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October 14, 2020

I will continue to push for compassion. because truthfully, I don’t see another way.

I struggled to embody the energy of compassion for years. I wouldn’t show it to myself, or to anyone else. I almost felt as though handing someone else compassion was taking away from my own pain — like somehow it would invalidate what I was going through.

& even with all the work I’ve done, I still feel that hesitation linger every so often.

a voice in my head tells me that showing compassion is weak. people don’t need compassion. what they need - is to man up. be strong. keep moving. brush off the dirt and simply be better.

any ideas where I developed this mentality?

shadow work. ego work. whatever you call it — make the time and do it.

the beliefs that we have about ourselves, about others, about the world, politics, equality — about what we deserve & what is important were all developed in our earliest years of life. we were sponges. observing. absorbing. believing.

I observed & absorbed primarily masculine energy for the first 22 years of my life. being an athlete — there is no room for compassion. there is no space held for emotion. feminine energy is the quickest ticket to riding the bench.

win. sweat. push. no mercy. again. again. again.

I had no idea how much this impacted me — until I did my shadow work. when I finally saw how far down I had pushed my femininity I felt broken. I felt sad. but even though I was so far removed from my divine feminine energy - I felt relief. because the girl who believed she could never be sexy, feminine, confident — finally saw her power for the first time.

instead of leaning into anger, I chose compassion. for myself. for my teammates. & for my coaches — who had no idea that their words & priorities broke my spirit. because they too, are a bit broken.

compassion >

forgiveness >

love >

Xx #realwithemma 🕊🕊🕊


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