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November 8, 2020

one of my biggest struggles is being present. I find it hard to enjoy the moment before me & take in every drop of goodness I can. especially on sundays. my joy is robbed by the impending to do lists & expectations. I become overwhelmed & anxious & it takes its toll on my wellbeing. sometimes I carry my sunday scaries into monday. and tuesday. & by wednesday I feel okay because the weekend is closer again.

I used to blame this solely on my anxiety. I would tell casey week after week - I’m anxious so this is my life. I’m anxious so this is what happens. I can’t help it. I can’t control it.

but recently my anxiety has taken a toll. on my life, my relationships, my work. I used to have just a few moments of struggle but now I’m finding it impossible to stay present. I am struggling to show up for myself the way I need. & if you know me, you know I love taking care of myself. self care is the foundation of my health.

so after coming to terms with this reality I’ve created I asked myself the hard questions. I talked through it with casey. & we realized that the root cause is without a doubt the pressure I put on myself. it’s the expectations I set. the perfectionist mentality that still manages to sneak in & cause me pain. I am not good at stopping to smell the roses. I still struggle to show myself compassion. to allow myself stillness. rest. peace — without guilt.

& that’s okay. it doesn’t mean I’m failing.

because I am human. because I choose to be aware of it. to tap in. to discover what’s really going on. because no journey is ever linear.

when you start your journey toward better health, wellness & wellbeing it’s easy to put pressure on yourself to be perfect every day.

so, even though it is harder, even though I feel more resistance — today, I am choosing presence.

how? less phone. more nature. less thinking. more doing. less comparing. more accepting. less fear. more love.

happy sunday, friends 🤍 if you battle anxiety please know you aren’t alone. show yourself some compassion. it has been a heavy week & let’s not forget we are still in the midst of a pandemic. it’s okay to not always be okay.

sending love 🕊🕊🕊


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