top of page

February 15, 2021


(continued) and that one simple choice to lead with love, is what got me here today. posting photos that make me feel vulnerable — knowing the fear is the contrast & it is up to me to choose again.


so today I choose truth. acceptance. fearlessness.


self love is not something to be accomplished. there is no finish line. no end to the journey. it is an every day every moment intention.


my sister & I planned this photoshoot, the goal being to capture my sexy sultry feminine energy.


but I struggle getting my picture taken. I don’t feel confident in front of a camera when it’s posed. when it’s trying to capture something deeper.


I feel vulnerable. exposed. like all of my insecurities are there for the world to see.


I have worked towards accepting my beauty. I am in a place where I honor & love my physical body for all it is.


call me beautiful? I will say thank you. call me sexy? my stomach will flip & I will turn red. because no. sexy? I know what sexy looks like & I don’t meet the quota. sexy? no, never heard of her.


these photos capture the insecurities that have been lying dormant within me. I was nervous for the shoot but had no idea I would begin to break down on camera. I sat on the bed. , I posed, I breathed — & then felt pain in my chest & tears in my eyes.


why was this so hard? why do I feel gross. ugly. worthless — wrapped inside a sheet in my bare skin?


but I knew why.


I have a deep seeded belief that I am not someone who could ever be sexy. sensual. sultry. I am an athlete. a tom boy. I’m hard not soft I’m tough not tender I’m cute not hot.


what you see here is me, breaking. wiping my tears & trying to choose again.


because even though I wholeheartedly love myself — I have more to heal. I always will.


we ended the shoot & said we would try again. I got in the shower & cried it out. I placed my hand on my heart & told myself it’s okay to struggle. it’s okay that choosing again feels hard. I have all the time I need to do the work. to heal. to release. to emerge new.


I spent all last week digging into this. & while I’m still struggling — I’m back in alignment with love, with a new shoot to prove it.


Comments


bottom of page