a solo sunday evening.
casey will be home for dinner, but the time until then is preciously mine.
& tonight I am falling back in love with the process of caring for myself.
it’s felt like forever since I truly showed up for my physical body. I’ve about mastered the care of my mind & soul but as someone who struggles with perfectionism & a disordered relationship to my body I am realizing that a large part of healing required me to take a step back.
my disorder disguised itself as passion for many years.
I was just passionate about food!
I was just passionate about working out!
I was just passionate about skin care & holistic wellness!
there were moments along my healing journey when I thought I was healed because I no longer binged & purged, counted measured or weighed…
because i thought that food was the only disorder that plagued me.
but even though I conquered mindful eating…. I found myself panicking if I couldn’t gua sha. or had a pimple. or if I couldn’t workout. or didn’t dry brush. or rebound. because I needed to drain my lymphatic system!!!!
when I finally saw that my disorder stretched beyond food & into all aspects of my health I had to pull back completely so that I could start from scratch.
I had to reapproach my relationship to self care.
if anything — the last year showed me that everythinggggg in my life needs a delicate balance. that each choice I make during my day has to be done through love — not through fear.
I used to gua sha because I was scared of wrinkles but now I gua sha to nourish my skin. I used to workout to lose weight but now I work out to connect to my body. I used to buy expensive skin care products because I needed my skin to be perfect but now I invest in high quality products because I fcking deserve it.
make every choice in your day a nourishing one & watch as your life begins to change for the better.
it’s simple really.
love > fear.
happy sunday 🕊
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