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December 5, 2020

yesterday was a big day for me. when I sat down on Jan 1, 2020 I wrote down my goals for the year. the things I wanted to call into my life. the energy I wanted to embody. who I wanted to be. reaching 5k followers was on that list. not because of the number on my feed but because of the souls it would connect me with. 5k to me means I’m not the only one who struggles. whether it be with an eating disorder, anxiety, confidence, judgement, guilt, shame, presence. 5k means my suffering means something. that the words I share on this page each day are doing what I intend them to — make others feel less alone.

last night after everything settled down I started second guessing. I asked casey & my sister “was it too much? do people think I’m conceited now? do I over share? am I getting ahead of myself? maybe I should delete those stories. I should stfu, right?” as you can tell my ego joined the party.

but together we talked about what this means to me & what it means for me. as someone who works for herself — I don’t get raises. or promotions. or performance check ins. it’s just me. waking up each day & doing what I think is the next right thing. I don’t have a blueprint. a guidebook. an outline for how to do what I’m doing. if you ask any entrepreneur I’m sure they’ll tell you for every one high there are 2 lows. but they’ll also tell you that those highs make every ounce of suffering worth it.

this post is a reminder that even if the voice in your head tells you otherwise — you have permission to be proud of yourself. to celebrate reaching your goals. to fill yourself with pride as you look back on this year. whether you’ve achieved your career goals, health goals, healing goals — it’s okay to stop & smell the roses.

because truth be told, the more you do — the more roses you’ll receive.

gratitude. gratitude. gratitude. the key to abundance.

last night I treated myself to some df ice cream drizzled in pb & cacao nibs. we turned on every christmas light in the house & raised a glass to the growth of this page. I feel more blessed than ever to have humans in my life who don’t just support me but shoot for the stars right along side me ✨


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