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December 1, 2020

december, my favorite month. do you know that I look forward to you all year? probably not. I know I haven’t shown you gratitude in awhile. I just want you to know it wasn’t you, it was always me.

december, I’ve been waiting for you. do you recognize me? maybe not. I’m not the same person I was last year. but I hope I can show you it’s for the better. I’ve grown a lot since since we last spoke. it’s been a hard year. not just for me — for everyone. but I’m sure you already knew that.

december, I’m sorry. can you forgive me? for not seeing your beauty sooner? for taking you for granted? for letting us drift apart for so many years?

december, I’m ready now. can you tell? I promise this year will be different. instead of holding you to perfection like I have in the past, I will be open to the possibility that joy is always within reach — even if it feels hard to find. I promise to embrace each moment without judgement. to allow myself to feel the warmth of the season. on my bad days I promise to lean into the small joys you provide. christmas lights. birthday wishes. gentle snowfall. couch snuggles. holding hands. crisp air. hot coffee. fireplace stories.

december, I know it’s over 20 years late but I just needed to say — I am grateful for you.


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