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April 14, 2021

boxes. we love them. we love to fit who we are into a neat little box.

athletic. loud. shy. annoying. pretty. skinny. fat. weird. awkward. bitchy. nice. smart. funny. outgoing.

for years I lived in the box of being athletic, thin, masculine. I made every choice in my day support or enhance these characteristics. I worked out 2x a day. I restricted. I binged. I purged. I weighed. I counted. I measured. I suffered — & never once asked for help.

breaking out of that box saved my life. I knew it was time to move on. to become who I wanted to be. who I knew I was all along.

when I thought I had found freedom, when I could breath without fear of how my body would look & could eat a meal without adding up the calories on my plate — I thought I had made it. the work was done. life was good.

but I wasn’t free at all.

I had just moved from one box to the next. I was still forcing pushing obsessing defining — I was still living in fear. through my ego.

this time instead of the dark, lonely, scary box that I had known for so long. my new box was pretty. she was the box of holistic health. she was light! shiny! beautiful! she cared for her physical body. she knew the ins & outs of integrative nutrition — she was glowing. people loved her.

but with time I began to suffocate. the choices I made were in fear — is this okay? healthy? holistic? on brand?

the box of holistic health fueled my ego. the voice in my head began to second guess the glass of wine on a tuesday, the late night joints & extra cup of coffee. it was fearful that the choices & actions I made were not aligned with “who I was” & “what people expected from me.”

I struggled with this for a bit & then I didn’t.

because mindfulness is the name of the game. because awareness gives us our power back. because we are not our thoughts. because we can choose again.

because fck the damn box.

even I get swept up in what I “should” do, say, wear, be. the difference now is that I make it a priority to choose again. & again. & again.

with love > fear.

my invitation to you — recognize the box you’ve shoved your beautiful unique self into. & then break it the fck open 🕊🕊🕊


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