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Self Love Ch. 4 - Honoring Pleasure

I take pride in prioritizing my pleasure.


it has taken me years, decades — to be able to say that with certainty. I do take pride in this. very much so.


but prioritizing my pleasure doesn’t mean it’s all rainbows & butterflies, sex toys & orgasms. no. right now prioritizing my pleasure is hard work.


right now, prioritizing my pleasure looks like going to my reiki healer (@moonmagickpriestess on Instagram), communicating with Casey what my struggles are. where I need support. compassion. love. it looks like meditating & journaling to dig into WHY I am experiencing so much shame around my pleasure. to figure out why, at 27 years old, I still struggle to be present sexually.


my sexual grievances are not unique. even though I wish they were. unfortunately, I am not the only woman who has deep-rooted trauma around her sexuality. who developed self-limiting beliefs from a young age.


beliefs like... masturbation is dirty. or that sex is about making your *male* partner feel good. or that sex toys are gross. or exploring your sexuality makes you slutty. or needing lube is weird because we should just get wet, right? (as if we aren’t experiencing the most hormonal imbalances, toxicity & stress than any other generation of women)


I spent years showing up in the bedroom making sure I played the part. I did the right things. did enough but not too much but not too little.


I spent years hiding my vibrator under the mattress. holding my breath. making no noise. with fear coursing through my body as I attempted to tap into my sexual energy.


did you know? that our sexual energy is the most powerful energy in this time-space reality? it is quite literally, how everything came to be?


so why? why does society make us want to hide? shy away? suppress?



& why? why do we listen?


I’m not saying it’s an easy road. I’m not trying to glorify the work. but what I am saying, is we cannot fully love ourselves until we take pride in prioritizing our pleasure. in speaking up. communicating. doing the work that needs to be done so our pleasure comes with ease & love instead of suffering & fear.


will you join me? if not for your current self, for your younger self?


Sending love, always.

xx.

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